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The Great Lake

Index ID: PMGRLAKE — Publication date: July 31st, 2014

New from J.K. Rowling

The grounds of Hogwarts function partly as a nature reserve for magical creatures which have difficulty existing in Muggle-inhabited areas.

The lake is full of creatures that would make a Muggle naturalist swoon with delight – if terror did not seize them first. There are Grindylows (vicious little water demons), merpeople (of a hardy Scottish strain) and a giant squid, which is semi-domesticated and permits students to tickle its tentacles on sunny days, when it basks in the shallows.

Giant squid genuinely exist, though they are most mysterious creatures. Although their extraordinary bodies have been washed up all over the world, it was not until 2006 that a live giant squid was captured on film by Muggles. I strongly suspect them of having magical powers.

J.K. Rowling’s thoughts

The lake is the setting for the second task that the Triwizard competitors must face in Goblet of Fire, which is also my favourite task. I find it satisfyingly creepy; I like the diversity of the methods employed by the competitors to breathe underwater, and I enjoyed plumbing the depths of a part of the grounds that had never been seen before. In the original draft of Chamber of Secrets, I had Harry and Ron crash into the lake in Mr Weasley’s Ford Anglia, and meet the merpeople there for the first time. At that time I had a vague notion that the lake might lead to other places, and that the merpeople might play a larger role in the later books than they did, so I thought that Harry ought to be introduced to both at this stage. However, the Whomping Willow provided a more satisfying, less distracting crash, and served a later purpose in Prisoner of Azkaban, too. The Great Lake (which is really a Scottish loch, apparently freshwater and landlocked) never did develop as a portal to other seas or rivers, although the appearance of the Durmstrang ship from its depths in Goblet of Fire hints at the fact that if you are travelling by an enchanted craft, you might be able to take a magical shortcut to other waterways.


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Quidditch World Cup 2014: Daily Prophet reports

Index ID: PMQWCDPR — Publication date: April 12th, 2014, to July 11th, 2014

Sport 12 April 2014

DISASTROUS OPENING CEREMONY LEADS TO QUESTIONS ABOUT QUIDDITCH WORLD CUP SECURITY

From the Daily Prophet’s Quidditch Correspondent in the Patagonian desert, Ginny Potter.


Not a single Quaffle thrown, not a single Snitch caught, but the 427th Quidditch World Cup is already mired in controversy. Magizoologists have congregated in the desert to contain the mayhem and Healers have attended more than 300 crowd members suffering from shock, broken bones and bites. The Argentinian Council of Magic is reeling from accusations that their decision to stage a mascot-themed opening ceremony was foolish and reckless.

In the weeks leading up to the opening, an impressive ornamental lake was created in the middle of the desert to accommodate the Fijian team’s Dukuwaqa (a shark/man shape-shifter). Organisers announced that mascots representing the other teams participating in the first week’s matches would take part in a choreographed display, advertised as ‘a magnificent exhibition of the diversity of the magizoological world’.

The ceremony started in gentle style, with river Genies from the Ivory Coast dancing in formation over the surface of the lake. It was only when the Fijian and Norwegian mascots were released that disaster struck. President of the Argentinian Council of Magic, Valentina Vázquez, has issued the following statement:
‘While prepared for the arrival of the Fijian Dukuwaqa, we were surprised when the Norwegian delegation announced that they would also require lake-space for a gigantic lake serpent, the Selma. We had assumed that the Norwegians would be accompanied by their usual troop of performing trolls.’

‘We are not aware that any study has ever been undertaken into the compatibility of Dukuwaqas and Selmas, so the Council of Magic cannot accept liability for the unfortunate consequences of placing the two in close proximity.’

Speaking exclusively to the Daily Prophet, Chief Consulting Magizoologist Rolf Scamander disagreed: ‘The Dukuwaqa lives in a warm ocean, the Selma in an icy freshwater lake. The former is a shape-shifter that can transform from fish to man, the latter is a serpent that devours human flesh and fish. You would need the brains of a Billywig not to foresee an immediate bloodbath if both were crammed tightly together in tepid, brackish water.’

A bloodbath is precisely what occurred when the two monsters were released into the magical lake through gigantic crystal chutes. Fijian and Norwegian handlers plunged into the seething waters to contain their respective mascots, but their efforts were greatly hampered by the Brazilian Curupiras (red-haired, forest-dwelling dwarves whose feet point backwards and who protect fellow creatures whom they feel are under threat from humans). Evidently believing that the handlers meant the Dukuwaqa and the Selma harm, the Curupiras attacked.

With panic in the stadium and blood now flowing freely from both humans and creatures, it was perhaps understandable that the Nigerian Sasabonsams (vampiric, spindle-legged creatures) became crazed. As they wreaked havoc upon crowd and organisers, the rumour that the Haitian team had brought Inferi as their mascots was proven true. The crowd stampeded as Inferi moved freely through the stadium, attempting to capture and devour anyone who tripped.

Regulations on the size and nature of mascots have long been a source of debate at the highest levels of the ICWQC. A motion to restrict mascots ‘to herbivores, creatures smaller than a cow and nothing that breathes fire’ was defeated by an overwhelming majority in 1995. Quidditch supporters worldwide have been opposed to any meddling with what they see as a traditional, colourful part of the World Cup.

However, many believe that competition among teams to bring the most intimidating mascot has got out of hand. Norwegian manager Arnulf Moe defended his decision to bring the Selma, which he said represented the ‘steely determination and ferocity of the Norwegian players’, and claimed that the Dukuwaqa bit first.
A record crowd has been transported by 10,000 Portkeys to the heart of the Patagonian desert for the opening weekend of the tournament, and while the Argentinian Council has been widely praised for the flawless transportation arrangements, the record number of injuries sustained before the first whistle has been blown is sure to be an embarrassment to the organisers.

The first game of the tournament will take place tomorrow: Norway versus Ivory Coast.

 

Sport 13 April 2014

(Sunday Prophet)

NORWAY VERSUS IVORY COAST

From the Daily Prophet’s Quidditch Correspondent in the Patagonian desert, Ginny Potter.


Norway 340 – Ivory Coast 100

Joint favourites in this year’s tournament, Norway today made short work of Ivory Coast, who were not playing at their often impressive best.

The last time these sides met, the game lasted for five days. Today, the final whistle was blown in a little over two hours.

Norway’s resolve and discipline was impressive given the level of hostility they faced from the crowd, many of whom were still bandaged following the Norwegian mascot’s behaviour of yesterday. The match was twice halted whilst security wizards entered the stands to discover the source of jinxes sent at celebrated Norwegian Chaser Lars Lundekvam.

Ivorian Chaser Elodie Dembélé, aged only 18, scored seven of Ivory Coast’s ten goals. Norwegian Seeker Sigrid Kristoffersen out-raced her counterpart Sylvian Boigny to take the Snitch in the 128th minute.

 

Sport 14 May 2014

NIGERIA VERSUS FIJI

From the Daily Prophet’s Quidditch Correspondent in the Patagonian desert, Ginny Potter.


Nigeria 400 – Fiji 160

Pity Fijian Seeker Joseph Snuka as he tries to justify his side’s bruising 400 – 160 defeat at the hands of tournament favourites Nigeria.

In the early stages of the game Fijian Beaters Quintia Qarase and Narinder Singh lacked the ferocity of their Nigerian counterparts Aliko Okoye and Mercy Ojukwu. The Bludgers did serious damage to the Fijian Chasers, who managed only a single goal during the first hour, compared with Nigeria’s forty.

To the bewilderment of commentators, the fury of Fijian supporters and the jeers of the Nigerians, Seeker Snuka chose to capture the Snitch in the 141st minute, when his team was trailing 400-10. While there is precedent for a Seeker choosing to catch the Snitch if so doing will minimise the margin by which their team are about to lose (the most famous recent occasion being Viktor Krum’s Snitch capture in the 1994 final), Snuka’s counterpart Samuel Equiano was some distance away when he chose to snatch the Snitch from the air. Snuka has previously been dubbed an egoist by teammates and today’s actions will do little to change his reputation.

Fijian manager and trainer Hector Bolobolo’s only comment after the match was ‘I’m going to kill him.’

Nigeria will face the winner of the Japan versus Poland match.

 

Sport 15 May 2014

BRAZIL VERSUS HAITI

From the Daily Prophet’s Quidditch Correspondent in the Patagonian desert, Ginny Potter.


Brazil 100 – Haiti disqualified (90 + illegal capture of Snitch)

One of the oldest rules in Quidditch was violated in Haiti’s match against Brazil, resulting in the first disqualification of the tournament.

Haitian Keeper Lenelle Paraison (one of only three female Keepers flying this tournament) was forced to justify her selection again and again during the early hours of the game as Brazilian Chasers Diaz, Alonso and Flores made as many as thirty assaults on the hoops. That they scored only ten goals is testimony to Paraison’s agility and courage. Her nose was twice broken during the first sixty minutes, once by a ferocious Bludger mis-hit by her own teammate, Beater Jean-Baptiste Bloncourt.

At the other end of the pitch, star Haitian Chaser Clairvius Hyppolite was responsible for eight of his side’s nine goals. In spite of Brazil’s narrow lead in the fourth hour, many felt that the Haitian side was outplaying the Brazilians when Bloncourt made his second devastating mis-hit. The Haitian Seeker Sylvian Jolicoeur was within inches of capturing the Snitch when he was hit by another of Bloncourt’s poorly aimed Bludgers and knocked out cold. The Snitch then flew up Bloncourt’s sleeve, a rare but not unknown accident. ‘Only the Seeker may capture the Snitch and any other player catching it will forfeit the game’ is a tenet drummed into every schoolboy or girl who plays Quidditch, but Bloncourt appeared to lose his head at this point, wrestling the Snitch out of his undergarments and holding it up triumphantly as though this would indemnify him for the blunders he had made. Haiti was instantly disqualified.

Haitian Seeker Jolicoeur is making a good recovery. Beater Bloncourt is currently in hiding at an undisclosed location.

Brazil will face the winner of the Wales versus Germany match.

 

Sport 16 May 2014

USA VERSUS JAMAICA

From the Daily Prophet’s Quidditch Correspondent in the Patagonian desert, Ginny Potter.


USA 240 – Jamaica 230 (under investigation)

Yet more controversy in Patagonia: the outcome of the USA versus Jamaica clash is under investigation due to the sudden collapse of Kquewanda Bailey, the Jamaican Keeper, who toppled from her broom shortly before US Chaser Quentin Kowalski scored their ninth goal.

Seconds after the referee successfully halted Bailey’s groundwards plummet with a well timed ‘arresto momentum!’ US Seeker Darius Smackhammer caught the Snitch ahead of Jamaican counterpart Shanice Higgins, resulting in a narrow victory for the United States.

The timing of Kquewanda’s sudden unconsciousness was so convenient that authorities are examining the possibility of crowd interference. Omnioculars from all over the stadium are being scrutinised for recorded evidence. The ICWQC has intimated that they will not be in a position to rule on the validity of the result until tomorrow.

An amendment to the rules of Quidditch in 1849 stipulates that if a member of the crowd casts any jinx or spell on a player, their team will automatically forfeit the match, whether or not the team ordered or approved of the magic performed.

 

(Evening Prophet)
Sport 16 May 2014

USA VERSUS JAMAICA

From the Daily Prophet’s Quidditch Correspondent in the Patagonian desert, Ginny Potter.


USA 240 – Jamaica 230 (result officially confirmed)

Following an inquiry into the sudden (and, many felt, suspicious) collapse of Jamaican Keeper Kquewanda Bailey at a crucial point in yesterday’s match against the USA, Kquewanda is now confirmed to be suffering from an infected Sasabonsam (vampiric Nigerian mascot) bite, sustained during the opening ceremony. No crowd interference has been uncovered and therefore the USA will pass into the quarter-finals, where they will play the victor of the Chad versus Liechtenstein match.

 

Sport 17 May 2014

LIECHTENSTEIN VERSUS CHAD

From the Daily Prophet’s Quidditch Correspondent in the Patagonian desert, Ginny Potter.


Chad 140 – Liechtenstein 120 (on-going)

The longest match of the tournament so far is in its eleventh hour and players have broken for a short sleep. The two teams seem evenly matched, and every goal has been hard won against Beaters who on both sides are showing superb precision and power. The Snitch has been within catching range on three occasions but on each, well-hit Bludgers have prevented a resolution. Man of the match so far is undoubtedly Liechtenstein Chaser Willi Wenzel, who took two Bludgers to the head in the early stages of the game and still managed to score the third goal of the match from a distance of sixty yards.

 

(Sunday Prophet)
Sport 18 May 2014

LIECHTENSTEIN VERSUS CHAD

From the Daily Prophet’s Quidditch Correspondent in the Patagonian desert, Ginny Potter.


Liechtenstein 260 – Chad 250 (on-going)

As the second day of this match limped to a close, players were beginning to show signs of severe fatigue. The Snitch was literally hovering above Chadian Seeker Jacques Miskine’s left eyebrow for five minutes before he noticed it, and even then his reactions were so slow it managed to make an escape. Liechtenstein Chaser Otmar Frick is believed to have literally fallen asleep on his broom shortly before play was stopped for the evening. Still too close to call, this match is turning into a true epic of the 2014 Quidditch World Cup.

 

Sport 19 May 2014

LIECHTENSTEIN VERSUS CHAD

From the Daily Prophet’s Quidditch Correspondent in the Patagonian desert, Ginny Potter.


Liechtenstein 470 – Chad 330

The end, when it finally came, was sudden and brutal. In the third day of the gruelling match, and with Chad just ahead on goals, exhausted Liechtenstein Seeker Bruno Bruunhart managed to grab the Snitch inches from the outstretched hand of Jacques Miskine. Both teams wept and embraced as they finally reached solid ground. All are now receiving medical treatment.

Liechtenstein will now face the USA in the quarter-finals.

 

Sport 20 May 2014

BULGARIA VERSUS NEW ZEALAND

From the Daily Prophet’s Quidditch Correspondent in the Patagonian desert, Ginny Potter.


Bulgaria 410 – New Zealand 170

New Zealand manager Charlie Baverstock proclaimed himself ‘madder than a bloke who’s been locked in a box of Fwoopers’ after Dennis Moon was sent off in the 106th minute. This loss was undoubtedly a crucial factor in New Zealand’s 410 – 170 loss to a Bulgarian side that many feel was lucky to qualify at all.

The mid-air collision of Chasers Moon and Bogomil Levski appeared accidental from many parts of the stadium. However, referee Georgios Xenakis was better positioned and judged that Moon had deliberately caused the crash. Whether or not Xenakis was influenced by rumours that Moon and Levski have a long-standing feud, his decision undoubtedly turned the match in Bulgaria’s favour.

Twice runners-up in the last fifty years, the current Bulgarian side showed flashes of inspiration as they racked up an impressive score against the six-strong Kiwis. Two players – Levski and Vulchanov – had fathers on the 1994 side that introduced an eighteen-year-old Viktor Krum to the world. One of the headline stories of the current World Cup is, of course, Krum’s re-emergence from retirement. At thirty-eight he is the oldest player in the competition, and has faced stiff criticism for taking the place of a younger player on what some have called ‘sentimental’ grounds. However, Krum’s capture of the Snitch ahead of twenty-one-year-old Ngapo Ponika unquestionably showed traces of his old brilliance, and delighted the Bulgarian supporters.

Bulgaria will play joint favourites Norway in the quarter-finals.

 

Sport 21 May 2014

JAPAN VERSUS POLAND

From the Daily Prophet’s Quidditch Correspondent in the Patagonian desert, Ginny Potter.


Japan 350 – Poland 140

A tight, well-fought game of Quidditch resulted in a well-deserved win for Japan, who emerged the victors with 350 points to Poland’s 140. The final score does not reflect Poland’s spirited and dynamic play, but the inexperience of this young side showed as they were put under considerable pressure by veteran Japanese Beaters Hongo and Shingo (recently voted second only to legendary 1994 Bulgarians Volkov and Vulchanov as all-time best Beater duo). Polish Seeker Wladyslaw Wolfke is one to watch: a daring and graceful flier, he was unlucky to miss the Snitch early in the game, and was only narrowly beaten to it in the 59th minute by the gifted Noriko Sato.

Japan will play joint favourites Nigeria in the quarter-finals.

 

Sport 22 May 2014

WALES VERSUS GERMANY

From the Daily Prophet’s Quidditch Correspondent in the Patagonian desert, Ginny Potter.


Wales 330 – Germany 100

Germany versus Wales today gave a horrible reminder of the perils of Seekership. The Wronski Feint is a dangerous move whereby the Seeker pretends to have spotted the Snitch and performs a vertical dive, attempting to lure his or her counterpart into imitating them, pulling out at the last moment and leaving their opponent to crash. German Seeker Thorsten Pfeffer today attempted the life-threatening Feint with awful consequences, failing to pull out in time and colliding with the ground at what onlookers estimated to be sixty miles an hour. Healers flooded the pitch and Skelegro was administered at the scene. Thankfully, Pfeffer survived the match and manager Franziska Faust later told the assembled reporters that he is likely to make a complete recovery, although he has broken most of the bones in his body and currently believes himself to be a budgerigar called Klaus.

Welsh Seeker Eurig Cadwallader caught the Snitch eleven minutes after Pfeffer was stretchered off the field, but neither players nor crowd were in a celebratory mood, and only once she had heard that Pfeffer would survive did manager Gwenog Jones pronounce herself to be ‘bloody delighted.’ Her team will face Brazil in the quarter-finals.

 

Sport 4 June 2014

BRAZIL VERSUS WALES

From the Daily Prophet’s Quidditch Correspondent in the Patagonian desert, Ginny Potter.


Brazil 460 – Wales 300

The first quarter-final of the tournament has proved to be the most contentious game so far this tournament, one which began in bad blood and ended in a brawl that saw Welsh manager Gwenog Jones dragged from the pitch by her own Beaters.

The Brazil-Wales grudge began in the early days of the tournament when Brazilian manager José Barboza allegedly called the Welsh Chasers ‘talentless hags’ over a few drinks with loose-lipped veteran journalist Rita Skeeter. His insistence that he had been joking did nothing to quell the ire of Welsh manager Gwenog Jones, who threatened to ‘curse the face off’ him. In spite of the ICWQC’s ban on ‘managerial trash talk’ – a ban that many believe to have been created with Gwenog in mind – Jones has missed no opportunity to belittle and insult the Brazilians ever since learning that her team would face them in the quarter-finals. She was even prevented from entering the stadium in an ‘IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN HAITI’ T-shirt (Brazil passed into the quarter-finals when opponents Haiti were disqualified), so missed the opening ten minutes of the match, which were notable for the ferocity of play and three brutal fouls.

Brazilian Chasers Diaz, Alonso and Flores put in a solid performance and should be commended for keeping their heads when all about them were losing theirs – in the case of Keeper Raul Almeida, almost literally. The viciousness of the Bludger sent his way by Welsh Beater Iefan Rice (the Quaffle was at the other end of the pitch at the time) earned Brazil a penalty and arguably should have seen Rice sent off.

Nevertheless, Wales’s play was not confined to fouls. Few will disagree that Welsh Chaser Jackie Jernigan scored one of the tournament’s most stunning goals from a distance of fifty yards, while it is estimated that Beater Darren Floyd single-handedly prevented at least seventeen Brazilian goals.

Wales’s chances were finally dashed by a stunning Snitch capture by Brazilian Seeker Tony Silva, who performed a spectacular dive in the 131st minute of the match to seize victory from under his counterpart Eurig Cadwallader’s nose.

Gwenog Jones is in custody this evening, having attempted to make good her promise to curse off Barboza’s face in full view of a packed stadium. Healers report that Barboza’s skin has almost regrown, and he is said to be in excellent spirits. Brazil will face the winner of the USA versus Liechtenstein match in the semi-finals.

 

Sport 6 June 2014

BULGARIA VERSUS NORWAY

From the Daily Prophet’s Quidditch Correspondent in the Patagonian desert, Ginny Potter.


Bulgaria 170 – Norway 20

In one of the biggest upsets of the tournament, the Bulgarian side, who many considered lucky to have qualified, has ousted one of the joint favourites. Norway now fly home asking themselves how things could have gone so wrong, so quickly.

Bulgaria, whose first match was made considerably easier for them when New Zealand’s team was reduced to six after a sending-off, showed good form straight off the whistle. Nikola Vassileva was responsible for both of Bulgaria’s early goals, but Norway’s Lars Lundekvam soon equalised.

The end came almost without warning. Viktor Krum’s sudden descent looked like simple Bludger-avoidance and Norwegian Seeker Sigrid Kristoffersen not only neglected to mark him, but was actually looking the other way when Krum raised his right hand to show that he had secured a Bulgarian victory in the 42nd minute. Few will fail to sympathise with Kristoffersen, who flew directly to the ground and banged her head on it until dragged to her feet by Keeper Karl Wang. Krum, who has been written off by many journalists as too old and slow to compete at 38 years old, was borne from the pitch in triumph by fans.

Heartbroken Norwegian coach Oddvar Spillum had no comment for reporters, but broken sobs. There can be no doubt that this has been a deeply unlucky tournament for the usually outstanding Norwegians. However irrational it may seem, many fans blame the Selma, a Norwegian lake monster that the team brought as a mascot and which caused a bloodbath at the opening ceremony. The Selma is tonight hiding in a secret location.

 

(Sunday Prophet) Sport 8 June 2014

USA VERSUS LIECHTENSTEIN

From the Daily Prophet’s Quidditch Correspondent in the Patagonian desert, Ginny Potter.


USA 450 – Liechtenstein 290

If Muggles haven’t noticed the celebrations currently piercing the Patagonian night, we must assume that in addition to being non-magical they are also remarkably stupid. The USA is through to the semi-finals of the Quidditch World Cup and as I write this report, Argentinian officials storming through both the supporters’ encampment and the players’ quarters, attempting to quell the kind of jubilation more commonly associated with the final.

The US has historically put up a poor show in international Quidditch, being the only country to have embraced the (frankly odd) game of Quodpot. Today marks the US’s maturation into a true force of the wizarding world’s most popular sport.

Though some may suggest that Liechtenstein entered the match at a disadvantage, having competed in a three-day epic against Chad, the team appeared fully recovered as they entered the stadium. Early play was fast and competitive with Quaffle possession almost equal. US Chaser Quentin Kowalski drew plaudits from all commentators for his deft weaving and rolling, although Liechtensteiner heart-throb Otmar Frick (‘The Rugged Man of Ruggel’) was the game’s top scorer with 16 goals.

Top plaudits must go to American Seeker Darius Smackhammer, who secured the US’s place in an historic semi-final in the 148th minute. His was a daring Snitch capture that involved a breakneck dash through the cross fire of both Bludgers and risked collision with hefty Liechtenstein Chaser Willi Wenzel to tweak the Snitch hovering near Wenzel’s left ankle.

Red, white and blue sparks are currently so thick in the air that it is both difficult to breathe or see. A harried official in the ICWQC told the Daily Prophet shortly after the match: ‘if this is what they do when they get into the semis, imagine what we’re facing if they reach the final. I’m thinking security trolls.’

 

(Evening Prophet)
Sport 8 June 2014

LATE BREAKING NEWS

From the Daily Prophet’s Quidditch Correspondent in the Patagonian desert, Ginny Potter.


High-spirited American fans celebrating their team’s historic triumph in the quarter-finals have kidnapped Hans, the Liechtenstein mascot. Hans, a large and gloomy Augurey (a rain-predicting, vulture-like bird), has gained a devoted fan following during the tournament. Liechtenstein coach and manager Ferdinand Jägendorf has issued the following statement: ‘Das finden wir nicht lustig’ (‘we don’t find that funny’).

 

(Evening Prophet) Sport 9 June 2014

RETURN OF HANS THE AUGUREY

From the Daily Prophet’s Quidditch Correspondent in the Patagonian desert, Ginny Potter.


The Liechtenstein mascot is tonight back in his customised pen, but not before negotiations for his return reached the highest levels. Highly placed sources can confirm that the Liechtenstein Minister for Magic and the President of MACUSA (Magical Congress of the United States of America) exchanged terse owls concerning the whereabouts of Hans, who was kidnapped by enthusiastic American fans following their victory over Liechtenstein in the quarter-finals.

‘We are delighted to report that this prank has ended in a friendly and cooperative fashion,’ announced President Samuel G. Quahog, ‘and trust that Hans is none the worse for his little adventure.’ ‘We are very pleased that the Americans have returned our beloved mascot,’ said Minister Otto Obermeier. ‘Magizoologists are currently keeping Hans under close observation for ill effects. If any are discovered we will of course lobby the ICWQC for the USA’s immediate disqualification from the World Cup.’

A harried ICWQC official responded: ‘Look, we’ve had to perform mass Memory Charms on about 2000 Muggles living on the edge of the desert after the American celebrations last night, and don’t get me started on the planes. I’m not telling the Americans they’re going home. Not doing it. Just feed the bird some fairies and leave me alone.’

Sport 10 June 2014

JAPAN VERSUS NIGERIA

From the Daily Prophet’s Quidditch Correspondent in the Patagonian desert, Ginny Potter.


Japan 270 – Nigeria 100

A World Cup full of surprises yielded yet another this afternoon as the second of the tournament’s favourites crashed out of the competition, yielding to the might of a Japanese side that put in a near flawless performance.

This match ought to be remembered as the Battle of the Beaters, because these two outstanding Quidditch nations put on a veritable master class of Bludger work. The precision and creativity of shots hit by Okoye and Ojukwu on the one hand, and Shingo and Hongo on the other, framed the action, demonstrating that Beaters – so often caricatured as thugs with bats – can be artists, too.

The turning point of the game was undoubtedly the staggeringly powerful shot hit by Hongo, which smashed the tail off Nigerian Seeker Equiano’s broom. As Equiano span out of control, Noriko Sato soared through the middle of the action to seize the Snitch from the midst of distracted Nigerian players intent on saving their teammate. Japan pass into the semi-finals where they will meet Bulgaria.

The Nigerians have been riding the controversial Thunderbolt VII, a competitor to the Firebolt series, which many experts feel has sacrificed safety for speed. Professional brooms ought to be able to withstand all Bludger blows and an inquiry is already underway. Rumours that a posse of Nigerian warlocks is currently heading for the Thunderbolt Headquartes in Manchester, England, have not been confirmed.

 

Sport 2 July 2014

PLACE YOUR BETS WITH LUDO BAGMAN


The shock elimination of both favourites, Norway and Nigeria, has given the bookies plenty to smile about. Now Ludo Bagman, former England Beater and enthusiastic gambler, rates the chances of the semi-finalists still in with a chance of lifting the coveted trophy.

 

Brazil

Brazil has won the Quidditch World Cup five times, but the nineties and early noughties were generally considered wilderness years for this once great side. Manager José Barboza has reinvigorated the national game, bringing in younger players form every corner of the country. With an average age of only 22, this is the least experienced side remaining in the tournament.


Brooms: Varápidos
Total number of goals, first 2 rounds: 41
Average time for Snitch capture, first 2 rounds: 131 minutes*
Outstanding player, first 2 rounds: Alejandra Alonso (C)
Ludo’s rating: 9/1
Their relative inexperience has not hampered the high goal scoring Brazilians thus far, but these young players may crumble as pressure mounts. They have plenty of talent, but might it be more realistic to expect a win in four years’ time?

*Only one capture, due to Haiti’s illegal capture in the first round.


 

USA

Nobody expected the USA’s explosion into the final stages of the Quidditch World Cup. While they may have been lucky in the first round, where the collapse of Jamaica’s Seeker allowed them to sneak a win, they showed their mettle in beating the well-favoured Liechtenstein team in the quarter-finals. Could this be the USA’s moment?


Brooms: Starsweeper XXI
Total number of goals, first 2 games: 39
Average time for Snitch capture, first 2 rounds: 100 minutes
Outstanding player, first 2 rounds: Darius Smackhammer (S)
Ludo’s rating: 12/1
While impressed by the Americans’ form against Liechtenstein, seasoned Quidditch-watchers remain unconvinced as to whether they have what it takes to life the Cup. Their primary weakness is in defence. Keeper Susan Blancheflower let 23 Jamaican goals past in her first round, and Beaters Pringle and Picquery will need to find better form if the are to beat the talented young Brazilian Beaters, Santos and Clodoaldo, in the next round.


 

Japan

Japan were widely expected to do well in this tournament, but the flair and attack they showed in dispatching joint-favourites Nigeria impressed all who witnessed it. Riding racing brooms developed in their home country and unveiled for the first time during the tournament, Japan boasts talented players in almost every position, but it is in defence that they are virtually untouchable. Hongo and Shingo replica Quidditch robes are now the fastest-selling pieces of merchandise at the tournament.


Brooms: Yajirushi
Total number of goals, first 2 rounds: 32
Average time for Snitch capture, first 2 rounds: 61 minutes
Outstanding player, first 2 rounds: Masaki Hongo (B) Shintaro Shingo (B)
Ludo’s rating: 4/1
Japan must now be tournament favourites, dispatching opponents with a combination of ruthless efficiency and exquisite artistry.


 

Bulgaria

Nobody expected Bulgaria to proceed past the knockout round. While they have twice reached the final in the last twenty years, Bulgaria entered this tournament as outsiders, their team having narrowly scraped into the final sixteen. The selection of 38-year-old Viktor Krum was widely seen as made out of sentiment rather than on merit. Luck may have played a part in Bulgaria’s first round win against New Zealand, but when Krum’s early capture of the Snitch sent joint favourites Norway home from the tournament, many commentators were forced to eat their scathing words.


Brooms: Firebolt Supreme
Total number of goals, first 2 rounds: 28
Average time for Snitch capture, first 2 rounds: 88 minutes
Outstanding player, first 2 rounds: Viktor Krum (S)
Ludo’s rating: 50/1
Bulgaria is attracting a lot of international support; partly for their underdog status and partly for the fondness Quidditch fans everywhere feel for a talented man who never achieved his life’s ambition. But do Krum and his teammates really have what it takes to beat Japan in the semis? The answer, I fear, is probably not.


 

(Evening Prophet) Sport 4 July 2014

USA VERSUS BRAZIL

From the Daily Prophet’s Quidditch Correspondent in the Patagonian desert, Ginny Potter.


USA 120 – Brazil 100 (on-going)

For the second time in this tournament, it looks like a game will run through the night – and possibly beyond.

If one word summarises this semi-final so far, it is: nerves. Careless errors have littered the match, undoubtedly because a place in the final means so much to both sides. The USA has already climbed higher in the tournament than they have ever managed before, and 2014 will mark their emergence as a major force in the sport. Meanwhile Brazil, a once-great side who have lost their way in recent years, are fighting for their first final since 1982. The stakes are high and it is perhaps not to be wondered at that players are showing signs of pressure.

We have seen more Quaffle drops than in any match so far, with US Chaser Mercy Wardwell so frustrated by her fifth fumble that she beat her head repeatedly against her broom handle until restrained by Seeker Darius Smackhammer. Yet Wardwell was not alone: even Fernando Diaz and Alejandra Alonso, two of Brazil’s finest, allowed the Quaffle to slip through their fingers twice apiece.

Several mis-hit Bludgers have injured the Beaters’ own teammates. When Lucas Picquery sent the Bludger into the face of Keeper Susan Blanchflower in the fourth hour of the game, she risked further injury by attempting to jump onto Picquery’s broom to remonstrate with him. Cautioned by the referee, Blancheflower was the next to make an elementary error when she came too far out of the scoring circle, allowing Alonso to slip past and sneak a goal that took Brazil ten points ahead, although not for long. Quentin Kowalski scored twice as night fell, giving the US a narrow lead, but this is still anyone’s game as darkness thickens.

 

Sport 5 July 2014

USA VERSUS BRAZIL

From the Daily Prophet’s Quidditch Correspondent in the Patagonian desert, Ginny Potter.


Brazil 420 – USA 310

As the sun rose in Patagonia, two tired but determined teams seemed more focused and disciplined after a night of gruelling play. Here we saw the reason that both teams reached the semi-finals. Dynamic Quaffle play between two exciting Chaser trios could still have swung the match either way, but Brazilian Keeper Raul Almeida made all the difference, repeatedly repelling American assaults on the goal hoops. Darius Smackhammer spotted the Snitch in the twentieth hour of the game, but a pair of precision hit Bludgers courtesy of Brazilian Beaters Santos and Clodoaldo drove him off course. The crowd rose as one as Smackhammer and Brazilian Seeker Silva raced each other, both sliding to the very handles of their brooms. As the pair spiralled towards the ground it was initially hard to see who had triumphed – Silva’s subsequent breakneck dash towards the scoreboard could have been suicidal or triumphant – but it was swiftly apparent that Brazil had won.

An epic semi-final has ended in thrilling style. Brazil will face either Japan or Bulgaria in the final, while the USA will play the loser to decide third place.

 

(Sunday Prophet) Sport 6 July 2014

BULGARIA VERSUS JAPAN

From the Daily Prophet’s Quidditch Correspondent in the Patagonian desert, Ginny Potter.


Bulgaria 610 – Japan 460

One minute before walking out onto the pitch for the second of this year’s semi-finals, Bulgarian Beater Boris Vulchanov told me: ‘We’ve been underdogs all through this tournament. We have nothing to lose and everything to win. We’ll leave everything out there.’

And nobody could deny that they did. If there is any consolation for the Japanese, who have been outstanding throughout this tournament and who have given the wizarding world two new icon in Beaters Shingo and Hongo, it is that they participated in a semi-final that will long live in memory; one of the highest scoring of recent years and a display of utterly thrilling Quidditch.

As expected, Shingo and Hongo dominated the early part of the game. Play was stopped twice for Healers to attend to the Bulgarian team, six of whom were bleeding from the head within an hour of Quaffle-off.

Then came a triple display of sportsmanship that nobody who witnessed it will soon forget. With Bludgers still flying like cannonballs, Vulchanov deliberately interposed his body to protect teammate and Seeker Krum, who was in hot pursuit of the Snitch. Vulchanov was knocked out cold and fell from his broom, only to be caught and saved by Japanese Seeker Noriko Sato. Seeing that Sato was unable to pursue the Snitch, Krum pulled up and did not not capitalise on his momentary advantage. Krum, Sato and Vulchanov (once revived) were given a standing ovation by all spectators as play resumed.

While the Japanese defence has rightly drawn plaudits from all corners of the Quidditch world, the work of Chasers Ryuichi Yamaguchi, Kimiko Kurosawa and Yoshi Wakahisa should not be overlooked. By the eighth hour of the game the Japanese were two hundred and fifty points ahead. In spite of trailing badly, the Bulgarians took everything Shingo and Hongo were throwing at them. The Bulgarians’ play was not pretty, but their guts could not be doubted.

The Snitch appeared for the second time and Krum raced Sato, driving her off but refusing to catch it. It was a mark of faith in his team and a sharp contrast to the infamous catch of the ’94 final, where he had brought the game to an end to spare his side further humiliation at the hands of the Irish.

This was the true turning point of the match. The Bulgarians now chipped slowly away, finally drawing level by sheer persistence and a much-improved defensive performance. Then, in the tenth hour, the extraordinary reversal: Krum performed a magnificent piece of diversionary flying that led Sato to believe he was avoiding Hongo’s sight-line, and before the crowd or his fellow players realised what was happening, Krum caught the Snitch. Such was the crowd’s astonishment that there was a ten second silence throughout the stadium before the Bulgarian supporters even dared cheer. Their celebrations continue as I write, but only the most hard-hearted could fail to sympathise with the Japanese, who now face the USA in the playoff for third place.

8 July 2014

DUMBLEDORE’S ARMY REUNITES AT QUIDDITCH WORLD CUP FINAL

By the Daily Prophet’s Gossip Correspondent, Rita Skeeter


There are celebrities – and then there are celebrities. We’ve seen many a famous face from the wizarding world grace the stands here in the Patagonian Desert – Ministers and Presidents, Celestina Warbeck, controversial American wizarding band The Bent-Winged Snitches – all have caused flurries of excitement, with crowd members scrambling for autographs and even casting Bridging Charms to reach the VIP boxes over the heads of the crowd.

But when word swept the campsite and stadium that a certain gang of infamous wizards (no longer the fresh-faced teenagers they were in their heyday, but nevertheless recognisable) had arrived for the final, excitement was beyond anything yet seen. As the crowd stampeded, tents were flattened and small children mown down. Fans from all corners of the globe stormed towards the area where members of Dumbledore’s Army were rumoured to have been sighted, desperate above all else for a glimpse of the man they still call the Chosen One.

The Potter family and the rest of Dumbledore’s Army have been given accommodation in the VIP section of the campsite, which is protected by heavy charms and patrolled by Security Warlocks. Their presence has ensured large crowds along the cordoned area, all hoping for a glimpse of their heroes. At 3pm today they got their wish when, to the accompaniment of loud screams, Potter took his young sons James and Albus to visit the players’ compound, where he introduced them to Bulgarian Seeker Viktor Krum.

About to turn 34, there are a couple of threads of silver in the famous Auror’s black hair, but he continues to wear the distinctive round glasses that some might say are better suited to a style-deficient twelve-year-old. The famous lightning scar has company: Potter is sporting a nasty cut over his right cheekbone. Requests for information as to its provenance merely produced the usual response from the Ministry of Magic: ‘We do not comment on the top secret work of the Auror department, as we have told you no less than 514 times, Ms. Skeeter.’ So what are they hiding? Is the Chosen One embroiled in fresh mysteries that will one day explode upon us all, plunging us into a new age of terror and mayhem?

Or does his injury have a more humble origin, one that Potter is desperate to hide? Has his wife perhaps cursed him? Are cracks beginning to show in a union that the Potters are determined to promote as happy? Should we read anything into the fact that his wife Ginevra has been perfectly happy to leave her husband and children behind in London whilst reporting on this tournament? The jury is out on whether she really had the talent or experience to be sent to the Quidditch World Cup (jury’s back in – no!!!) but let’s face it, when your last name is Potter, doors open, international sporting bodies bow and scrape, and Daily Prophet editors hand you plum assignments.

As their devoted fans and followers will remember, Potter and Krum competed against each other in the controversial Triwizard Tournament, but apparently there are no hard feelings, as they embraced upon meeting (what really happened in that maze? Speculation is unlikely to be quelled by the warmth of their greeting). After half an hour’s chat, Potter and his sons returned to the campsite where they socialised with the rest of Dumbledore’s Army until the small hours.

In the next tent are Potter’s two closest associates, the ones who know everything about him and yet have always refused to talk to the press. Are they afraid of him, or is it their own secrets they are afraid will leak out, tarnishing the myth of He Who Could Not Be Named’s defeat? Now married, Ronald Weasley and Hermione Granger were with Potter almost every step of the way. Like the rest of Dumbledore’s Army, they fought in the Battle of Hogwarts and no doubt deserve the plaudits and awards for bravery heaped upon them by a grateful wizarding world.

In the immediate aftermath of the battle Weasley, whose famous ginger hair appears to be thinning slightly, entered into employment with the Ministry of Magic alongside Potter, but left only two years later to co-manage the highly successful wizarding joke emporium Weasleys’ Wizard Wheezes. Was he, as he stated at the time, ‘delighted to assist my brother George with a business I’ve always loved’? Or had he had his fill of standing in Potter’s shadow? Was the work of the Auror Department too much for a man who has admitted that the destruction of He Who Could Not Be Named’s Horcruxes ‘took its toll’ on him? He shows no obvious signs of mental illness from a distance, but the public is not allowed close enough to make a proper assessment. Is this suspicious?

Hermione Granger, of course, was always the femme fatale of the group. Press reports of the time revealed that as a teenager she toyed with the young Potter’s affections before being seduced away by the muscular Viktor Krum, finally settling for Potter’s faithful sidekick. After a meteoric rise to Deputy Head of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement, she is now tipped to go even higher within the Ministry, and is also mother to son, Hugo, and daughter, Rose. Does Hermione Granger prove that a witch really can have it all? (No – look at her hair.)

Then there are those members of Dumbledore’s Army who receive slightly less publicity than Potter, Weasley and Granger (are they resentful? Almost certainly). Neville Longbottom, now a popular Herbology teacher at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, is here in Patagonia with his wife Hannah. Until recently the pair lived above the Leaky Cauldron in London, but rumour has it that Hannah has not only retrained as a Healer, but is applying for the job of Matron at Hogwarts. Idle gossip suggests that she and her husband both enjoy a little more Ogden’s Old Firewhisky than most of us would expect from custodians of our children, but no doubt we all wish her the best of luck with her application.

Last of the ringleaders of Dumbledore’s Army is, of course, Luna Lovegood (now married to Rolf Scamander, swarthy grandson of celebrated Magizoologist Newt). Still delightfully eccentric, Luna has been sweeping around the VIP section in robes composed of the flags of all sixteen qualifying countries. Her twin sons are ‘at home with grandpa’. Is this a euphemism for ‘too disturbed to be seen in public’? Surely only the unkindest would suggest so.

Sundry other members of the Army are here, but it is on these six that most interest is focused. Wherever there is a red head one may make an educated guess that it belongs to a Weasley, but it is difficult to tell whether it is George (wealthy co-manager of Weasleys’ Wizard Wheezes), Charlie (dragon wrangler, still unmarried – why?) or Percy (Head of the Department of Magical Transportation – it’s his fault if the Floo Network’s too busy!). The only one who is easy to recognise is Bill who, poor man, is grievously scarred from an encounter with a werewolf and yet somehow (enchantment? Love potion? Blackmail? Kidnap?) married the undeniably beautiful (though doubtless empty-headed) Fleur Delacour.

Word is that we shall see these and other members of Dumbledore’s Army in the VIP boxes at the final, adding to the glitz and razzmatazz of a gala occasion. Let us hope that the behaviour of two of their younger hangers-on does not embarrass them, heaping shame on those who have previously brought honour to the name of wizard.

One always hesitates to invade the privacy of young people, but the fact is that anyone closely connected with Harry Potter reaps the benefits and must pay the penalty of public interest. No doubt Potter will be distressed to know that his sixteen-year-old godson Teddy Lupin – a lanky half-werewolf with bright blue hair – has been behaving in a way unbefitting of wizarding royalty since arriving on the VIP campsite. It might be asking too much that the always-busy Potter keep a tighter rein on this wild boy, who was entrusted to his care by his dying parents, but one shudders to think what will become of Master Lupin without urgent intervention. Meanwhile, Mr and Mrs Bill Weasley might like to know that their beautiful, blonde daughter Victoire seems to be attracted to any dark corner where Master Lupin happens to be lurking. The good news is both of them seem to have invented a method of breathing through their ears. I can think of no other reason how they have survived such prolonged periods of what, in my young day, was called ‘snogging.’

But let us not be severe. Harry Potter and his cohorts never claimed to be perfect! And for those who want to know exactly how imperfect they are, my new biography: Dumbledore’s Army: The Dark Side of the Demob will be available from Flourish and Blotts on July 31st.

 

Sport 9 July 2014

PLAY-OFF FOR THIRD PLACE

From the Daily Prophet’s Quidditch Correspondent in the Patagonian desert, Ginny Potter.


Japan 330 – USA 120

It was brief, it was bloody and few will disagree that it was brutal.

Japan, who many thought would go all the way in this tournament, and the USA, for whom 2014 has been a breakthrough year, have both had remarkable World Cups. All fourteen players in this third place play-off can hold their heads high tonight, though for some – notably American Chaser Arsenia Gonzales, who took two Bludgers to the face in the 34th minute – it will be extremely painful.

The USA did well to score twelve times against Keeper Todoroki, an undersung hero of the Japanese side who was on superb form, while Beaters Hongo and Shingo were simply unstoppable. At the other end of the pitch, Chasers Yamaguchi, Kurosawa and Wakahisa put eighteen goals past Keeper Susan Blancheflower before Japanese Seeker Noriko Sato put in one of the most spectacular dives of the tournament. Zooming through flying Bludgers and a tangle of Chasers she successfully seized the Snitch from under the heel of American Mercy Wardwell, leaving Darius Smackhammer in a broom-lock with Lucas Picquery.

Once on the ground, the teams embraced in a heart-warming show of sportsmanship. Word has since reached us that the Japanese have presented the American team – whose supporters famously kidnapped Hans the Augurey, the Liechtenstein mascot – with a Hoo-hoo chich (the Hoo-hoo is a Japanese firebird).

 

Sport 11 July 2014

QUIDDITCH WORLD CUP FINAL

Transcript of the Live Coverage from the Daily Prophet’s Quidditch Correspondent, Ginny Potter and Gossip Correspondent Rita Skeeter.


BRAZIL – BULGARIA
60 – 170

Ginny Potter

The stadium is full and the noise is deafening. We await the arrival of both team’s mascots, who will put on a pre-match show. The Bulgarians, of course, bring their celebrated dancing troupe of Veelas, which constitutes a major reason for the team’s popularity, at least with men. Brazil’s Curupiras have already caused a great deal of mischief so far this tournament but are similarly popular, mostly with children. Security wizards stand by all around the perimeter in case of trouble.

While we wait for the opening performance, let’s remind ourselves what these teams look like and compare some key statistics.

BRAZIL BULGARIA
KEEPERS KEEPERS
Raul Almeida Georgi Zdravko
After a slow start in the tournament, Brazilian Almeida was a star of the lengthy semi-final against the USA and is a major reason for his team’s presence in the final. However, many felt his opposite number on the Haitian side out-performed him in Brazil’s first match and he sustained a nasty head injury in the contentious quarter-final against Wales. Zdravko let in 17 goals against New Zealand in the first round and no fewer than 46 against Japan in the semi-final. Bulgarian fans are rightly nervous about Zdravko’s abilities facing a Brazilian Chaser trio of proven ability.
CHASERS CHASERS
Alejandra Alonso Stoyanka Grozda
Fernando Diaz Bogomil Levski
Gonçalo Flores Nikola Vassileva
The Brazilian trio have been one of the joys of the tournament, exciting to watch and responsible for 68 goals so far. Gonçalo Flores has emerged as one of his team’s stars, celebrated for making the hoops from way out of the scoring box. Though less flashy in style, the statistics do not lie: the Bulgarian Chasers have scored 74 goals so far this tournament and have – to the surprise of many fans and commentators – out-performed their Brazilian counterparts.
BEATERS BEATERS
Carlos Clodoaldo Dimitar Draganov
Rafael Santos Boris Vulchanov
Although they turned in lacklustre performances during the first two matches of the tournament, the Brazilian Beaters redeemed themselves in spectacular style during the semi-final when by their efforts they prevented the American Seeker Smackhammer catching the Snitch. A competent though not outstanding duo, Draganov and Vulchanov have nevertheless displayed great physical courage throughout the tournament. Vulchanov was knocked out cold protecting his Seeker during one of the most memorable moments of the Bulgaria versus Japan semi-final.
SEEKERS SEEKERS
Tony Silva Viktor Krum
Silva has only made two captures during the tournament due to Haiti’s disqualification in the first round. Once he spots the Snitch, he is fast and accurate, but questions must be asked about his ability to locate the elusive golden ball, as his average capture time this tournament has been 10 hours 44 minutes. Viktor Krum needs no introduction. The oldest player in this tournament, he has been a world-class Quidditch player since his late teens. Though before this World Cup many critics had written him off, he is largely responsible for Bulgaria’s place in the final. Average capture time this tournament: 5 hours 56 minutes.

Rita Skeeter
The VIP boxes are now full. Chairman of the ICWQC, Mentor Metaxas, chats to the President of the Argentinian Council of Magic, Valentina Vázquez, but all eyes are on Box Two, where Dumbledore’s Army sit under close guard, to prevent mobbing by an overexcited crowd. The Potter family – minus Mother, Ginny Potter, who of course is here in the journalists’ enclosure with me – have been given prime places in the front row. All are wearing the red of Bulgaria except middle child Albus, who is sporting Brazilian green. This will undoubtedly send the gossips into overdrive – what message is young Albus sending us all by choosing to support a team other than his father’s? A team, lest we forget, that is competing against his father’s ex-rival, now friend, Viktor Krum. Are we witnessing a very public, very ugly display of father-son rivalry? My colleague, Ginny Potter, who is sitting close enough to read everything my Quick-Quotes Quill is scribbling, informs me that Albus is a great fan of Brazilian Chaser Gonçalo Flores. That, of course, would be one possible explanation for this oddly public parade of familial dissent.

Ginny Potter
The crowd roar as the gates open and the mascot troupes assemble! First, the Bulgarian Veela, dressed in diaphanous gowns and dancing to the haunting strains of harp music. Several men’s jaws have dropped here in the journalists’ enclosure and, judging by the number of dropped notebooks, many also appear to have lost sensation in their fingers.

Rita Skeeter
Up in VIP Box Two, Ronald Weasley appears to have become catatonic. Did I just see wife Hermione Granger administer a sharp elbow to the ribs?

Ginny Potter
And here come the Curupiras with their bright red hair and back-to-front feet. Tumbling, performing acrobatics, stealing hats from fans and generally creating mayhem, the stadium is greatly enjoying their antics.

Rita Skeeter
It is always enchanting to observe young people enjoying the culture of other wizarding nations. Unfortunately, Master Teddy Lupin and Ms Victoire Weasley appear to be far more interested in what they are saying to each other than – I take that back. In what some may see as a somewhat belated show of parental authority, Mr Bill Weasley has swapped places with his now very sulky-looking daughter and is directing her attention to the pitch. It is indeed a terrible waste not to drink in the magnificent spectacle now unfolding before us, with the colours and dancing and whatnot.

Harry Potter is scratching his ear.

Ginny Potter
The opening ceremony concludes with an interesting Veela/Curupira pyramid formation. If several back to front feet found themselves in the Veela’s eyes, the latter have resisted the temptation to transform into the terrifying Harpy-like form that gave many children – myself included – nightmares after their 1994 display.

And here come the two teams – Brazil in green, Bulgaria in red!

Rita Skeeter
Almost all of the Weasley family are supporting Brazil. Certainly nobody can have expected Ronald to cheer on his wife’s ex-boyfriend. Both his children – Rose, who appears to have inherited her father’s unfortunate hair, and Hugo, who has his mother’s bushy locks – are decked out in green, but Hermione Granger is not wearing anything to indicate which team she is supporting. Does she secretly hope to see Krum take the trophy at last? Or is this the kind of diplomatic neutrality one might expect of a ruthless careerist whose long-term ambition is undoubtedly to be Minister for Magic?

Ginny Potter
00.00 hrs
And they’re off! Fourteen players rise into the air for the 427th Quidditch World Cup final!

Rita Skeeter
00.01 hrs
Neville Longbottom is already on his feet cheering, even though nothing has really happened yet. Is he drunk?

Ginny Potter
00.05 hrs
The Quaffle is in Brazil’s possession but slick defence from Draganov and Vulchanov has so far prevented them from scoring. Flores, Diaz and Alonso are relentless, ducking and weaving as they try to find a way past the Bulgarian Beaters.

Rita Skeeter
00.18 hrs
Luna Lovegood appears to be passing out some kind of snack to her friends in the VIP box. Some might hesitate to accept baked goods from Lovegood, whose schoolgirl nickname, I am reliably informed, was ‘Loony’.

Ginny Potter
00.32 hrs
An excellent intercept by Bulgarian Chaser Levski and Bulgaria are streaking towards the goal – thrown to Vassileva – ouch! Even the Brazilians groaned in sympathy there as a Bludger hit Vassileva hard in the throat. She drops the Quaffle, which is caught by Flores. Brazil are back in possession!

Rita Skeeter
00.33 hrs
Neville Longbottom is laughing hard at something that Harry Potter has leaned across and whispered to him. What is so amusing? Why such an open display of humour in full view of the public? Surely Potter is aware that everybody in the stadium can see him? Is it not rather elitist to enjoy ‘private’ jokes with fellow celebrities when people in the cheap seats cannot hear them?

Ginny Potter
00.37 hrs
And it’s first blood to Brazil with a spectacular goal from Flores!

Rita Skeeter
00.38 hrs
Albus Potter has almost toppled out of the VIP box cheering his Quidditch hero. His uncle Ronald seized the back of his robes and saved him from what would surely have been a death of international significance, spawning news stories across the wizarding world. Brother James is laughing heartily (did he push his brother?). Harry Potter appears completely unconcerned, merely handing his second son one of ‘Loony’ Lovegood’s treats.

Ginny Potter
00.42 hrs
Draganov and Vulchanov are successfully disrupting the Brazilian Chasers, preventing the formidable trio from scoring a second goal, but Bulgaria is relying far too much on their defence and their last touch of the Quaffle resulted in a drop and fumble by Grozda. No sign of the Snitch so far.

Rita Skeeter
00.54 hrs
Harry Potter is cheering every well-hit Bulgarian Bludger, whereas his supposed best friend Ronald Weasley appears to be gnashing his teeth in chagrin. Hermione Granger is yawning. Whether she intends to convey boredom, or is merely exhausted after Dumbledore’s Army’s long night of noisy revelry in the VIP section of the campsite, her Argentinian hosts can only be offended by such blatant rudeness.

Ginny Potter
00.59 hrs
Bogomil Levski breaks through the Brazilian defence and equalises! Ten all!

Rita Skeeter
01.10 hrs
Head of the Department of Magical Transportation Percy Weasley is frowning as he follows the match. Greying and balding, he has aged considerably since the Battle of Hogwarts (where, of course, he became the unfortunate embodiment of the phrase ‘better late than never’). Unkind political opponents may call him a ‘nit-picking bureaucrat’, but others go as far as to say that he is ‘not that bad once you get to know him’.

Ginny Potter
01.23 hrs
A sudden burst of quick-fire Quaffle passes has resulted in a brace of goals for Brazil, whose Chasers are tearing up and down the pitch. Gonçalo Flores has scored twice more and Fernando Diaz once, taking the score to 40-10. Bulgaria are making too many careless mistakes and need to take the offensive. Brazil looking far the stronger team at this point.

Rita Skeeter
01.31 hrs
Charlie Weasley – or ‘The Unmarried Weasley’ as he is often known – is a burly chap carrying several burns due to his work with dragons. Like his sister-in-law Hermione ‘Bored Yawn’ Granger, he is paying little attention to the match, preferring what seems to be a most interesting talk with Rolf Scamander, husband of ‘Loony’ Lovegood. How difficult it has been to marry ‘into’ Dumbledore’s Army we can only speculate. Nobody who witnessed it will ever forget the shock on Scamander’s face when he saw Lovegood’s wedding dress – rainbows, spangles and a tiara of silver unicorn horns, voted ‘Most Hideous Outfit of the Year’ by readers of my regular Daily Prophet column. While Lovegood and Scamander appear to be holding hands in the VIP box, this might well be because Rolf is trying to prevent his wife from putting on one of her famous Special Event Hats.

Ginny Potter
01.43 hrs
THE SNITCH HAS BEEN SIGHTED! With the score standing at 50-20 (following goals one minute apart from Alonso and Vassileva) a flash of gold near the Brazilian hoops leads Silva and Krum into a breakneck chase – Beaters and Chasers scatter – Krum is ahead but narrowly misses a capture – as the Snitch soars upwards, both Seekers appear to be dazzled by the brilliant Argentinian sun – the Snitch has disappeared again.

Rita Skeeter
01.58 hrs
George Weasley, wealthy co-owner of joke shop Weasleys’ Wizard Wheezes, has only one ear. This disability did not prevent him from marrying his dead brother’s ex-girlfriend Angelina Johnson, or from fathering two children with her: Fred and Roxanne. They are putting on a show of family togetherness up in the box. However, few will forget the recent rumours that – in spite of the plentiful gold brought in by such inventions as Puking Pastilles – Angelina has grown restless in her marriage and recently left the marital home to – my colleague, Ginny Potter, has just informed me that Angelina left the marital home to care for her sick father. Many will think that a likely story. Meanwhile, Teddy Lupin and Victoire Weasley have taken advantage of their elders’ inattention to find their way back into adjacent seats.

Ginny Potter
02.03 hrs
Moments after Diaz lengthens Brazil’s lead – 60-20 – Beater Santos hits Viktor Krum hard over the head with his bat. The referee is examining Omniocular footage to determine whether a foul has been committed. The game has been paused.

Rita Skeeter
02.04 hrs
A great groan has issued from the crowd, undoubtedly in response to Ronald Weasley flagrantly and openly kissing his wife on the cheek. This piece of disgusting exhibitionism appears to have disgusted spectators – my colleague, Ginny Potter, has just informed me that the crowd groaned because one of the players has sustained an injury.

Ginny Potter
02.21 hrs
No foul! German referee Herman Junker concludes that Rafael Santos did not mean to hit Viktor Krum around the back of the skull with his Beater’s bat. Krum signals that he is fit to continue and play resumes!

Rita Skeeter
02.36 hrs
Cold-hearted Hermione Granger did not notice her ex-boyfriend’s injury immediately, due to the ill-judged public display of affection instigated by her husband, but she swiftly put on a display of concern. The same cannot be said for Neville Longbottom, who appears to be spiritedly describing the precise manner in which Krum sustained his nosebleed for the benefit of his godson, Albus Potter. An oddly callous display from the popular Herbology teacher.

Ginny Potter
02.38 hrs
Mere minutes after play resumes, Krum and Silva are rocketing suddenly upwards – five thousand Omnioculars follow the pair into the dazzling Argentinian sun –

Rita Skeeter
02.39 hrs
Dumbledore’s Army seem agitated and tense. Has one of them grievously offended the others? Have bitter wounds been reopened here, in front of thousands of people, where everybody hoped merely to enjoy a unique sporting occasion? Ought Dumbledore’s Army draw such flagrant attention to themselves when – apparently – something exciting is happening on the pitch? Or are they using this as a cover to air old grievances?

Ginny Potter
02.40 hrs
Krum and Silva are in a breakneck dash for the Snitch, which Silva sighted first – he is four feet ahead of Krum as both rise almost vertically –

Rita Skeeter
02.41 hrs
Everyone is on their feet, including the denizens of the VIP boxes – Harry Potter is shouting – if my lip-reading is accurate, Ronald Weasley is swearing –

Ginny Potter
02.42 hrs
Krum is gaining on Silva but will it be enough…?

Rita Skeeter
02.43 hrs
Teddy Lupin has accidentally punched his girlfriend on the nose as he gesticulates – are we about to witness a breakup, live at the Quidditch World Cup?

Ginny Potter
02.43 hrs
Krum and Silva neck and neck –

Rita Skeeter
02.44 hrs
Teddy Lupin and Victoire Weasley snuggled up together again – don’t they care about Quidditch at all? Should they be taking up valuable space in this stadium, when all eyes ought to be glued on the pitch? When so many poor witches or wizards would simply love to be here?

Ginny Potter
02.45 hrs
KRUM’S GOT THE SNITCH! BULGARIA HAVE WON!

Rita Skeeter
02.45 hrs
I can’t see the VIP boxes – everyone is jumping up and down –

Ginny Potter
The crowds are going crazy – after two and three-quarter hours in the blazing Argentinian sun, Bulgaria has won the Quidditch World Cup and Krum has achieved his life’s ambition on the third attempt – it looks like he might fall off his broom – tears are streaming down his face – a hugely popular win here in the Patagonian Desert – but hearty commiserations to Brazil – they led almost all the way, and in the end, it was Krum the Seeker who defeated them. A stunning display of sportsmanship here, as Silva and Krum embrace –

Rita Skeeter
Ah, that’s better – people are calming down, I can now see the VIP boxes – well, Dumbledore’s Army seems to approve of the victory, Harry Potter in particular seems emotional – with a determined grin on his face, Ronald Weasley conceals his inevitable annoyance that his wife’s ex-love is being feted by the Quidditch world – young Albus is applauding, doubtless at the prompting of his publicity hungry father – my colleague, Ginny Potter, is approaching me, no doubt with another tedious correc

Ginny Potter
Rita Skeeter has been taken unaccountably ill with what some are calling a jinx to the solar plexus. As celebrations continue here in the Patagonian Desert, we at the Daily Prophet sincerely hope that you have enjoyed our World Cup coverage from Argentina. Next week, the National Gobstones League comes to Birmingham! But in all honesty… don’t bother.


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Quidditch World Cup (1990 – 2014)

Index ID: PMQ9014 — Publication date: March 21st, 2014

1990

Canada 270, Scotland 240

It was “a bitter disappointment” for Scotland, as Scottish Seeker Hector Lamont missed the Golden Snitch by millimetres. In a post-match interview, Lamont famously blamed his father “Stubby” Lamont for not giving him longer fingers.

1994

Ireland 170 , Bulgaria 160

The on-pitch action was very much overshadowed by the events that followed this match. A spectacular Snitch capture by young Seeker Viktor Krum was enough to salvage Bulgarian dignity, but not to secure a win.

1998

Malawi 260 , Senegal 180

Only the second ever all-African final. Following the 1994 riots, security at this match was tighter than ever before. Senegal almost refused to play when their team mascots (Yumboes) were arrested outside the stadium. Yumboes are a kind of African house-elf and they took their arrest in reasonably good part, merely stealing every bit of food within a ten-mile radius in revenge and vanishing into the night.

2002

Egypt 450 , Bulgaria 300

Another crushing disappointment for Bulgaria. Viktor Krum was narrowly beaten to the Snitch by the outstanding Egyptian Seeker, Rawya Zaghloul. After the match, a tearful Krum announced his retirement.

2006

Burkina Faso 300 , France 220

A popular win for the small African nation, whose Seeker Joshua Sankara was promptly named Burkinabé Minister for Magic. Two days later he resigned, pointing out that he’d much rather play Quidditch.

2010

Moldova 750 , China 640

A furiously contested match that lasted 3 days and was widely held to have produced some of the finest Quidditch seen this century. The tiny country of Moldova has consistently produced excellent Quidditch teams and supporters were heartbroken that they failed to qualify this year due to an outbreak of Dragon Pox at their training camp.

The Quidditch World Cup 2014

This year’s Quidditch World Cup promises to be as exciting as ever. The sixteen competing countries are:

Brazil, Bulgaria, Chad, Fiji, Germany, Haiti, Ivory Coast, Jamaica, Japan, Liechtenstein, New Zealand, Nigeria, Norway, Poland, USA and Wales.

Nigeria and Norway enter the tournament as the highest ranked teams. This is the first year that the USA is thought to have a reasonable chance of reaching the final. Much interest has been generated by the return to the Bulgarian side of the previously retired Mktor Krum, who at 38 is old for a Seeker but whose stated aim is ‘to win the World Cup before I die.’ For this reason, Bulgaria is attracting support from those whose countries have not qualified. Liechtenstein caused a serious upset in the qualifying stages by winning the group over China, the runners-up in 2010. Liechtenstein’s team mascot is a gloomy, oversized Augurey called Hans who has his own fan club.

Other than this, nothing out of the ordinary has been reported. Rumours that Haiti have used Inferi to intimidate opposing teams have been dismissed by the ICWQC as ‘malicious and baseless.’ Accusations that Polish Seeker Bonawentura Wojcik is actually the famous Italian Seeker Luciano Volpi, Transfigured, Were only disproven when Luciano Volpi agreed to a press conference by Wojcik’s side. Welsh manager Gwenog Jones, formerly of the Holyhead Harpies, threatened to ‘curse the face off’ rival Brazilian manager José Barboza when he called her Chasers ‘talentless hags’ , a comment he later insisted had been taken out of context.

Opening games will take place next month in the Patagonian desert.


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History of the Quidditch World Cup

Index ID: PMHQWC — Publication date: March 15th, 2014

According to The Official Guide to the Quidditch World Cup produced by the International Confederation of Wizards’ Quidditch Committee (ICWQC) and available through all reputable wizarding bookstores for what many feel is the ridiculously overpriced sum of thirty nine Galleons — the tournament has been held every’ four years since 1473. As with so much else about the wizarding world’s most important sporting competition, many query the accuracy of this statement.

As only European teams competed during the fifteenth and sixteenth centuries, purists prefer to date the Quidditch World Cup’s inception from the seventeenth century when it became open to all continents. There is also heated debate about the accuracy of some historical accounts of tournaments. A substantial amount of all post-game analysis centres on whether magical interference took place and whether it made, or ought to have made, the final result moot.

The ICWQC has the unlucky job of regulating this contentious and anarchic competition. The rulebook concerning both on- and off-pitch magic is alleged to stretch to nineteen volumes and to include such rules as ‘no dragon is to be introduced into the stadium for any purpose including, but not limited to, team mascot, coach or cup warmer’ and ‘modification of any part of the referee’s body, whether or not he or she has requested such modification, will lead to a lifetime ban from the tournament and possibly imprisonment.’

A source of vehement disagreements, a security risk for all who attend it and a frequent focus for unrest and protest, the Quidditch World Cup is simultaneously the most exhilarating sporting event on earth and a logistical nightmare for the host nation.

Statute of Secrecy

A watershed moment for the Quidditch World Cup was the implementation of the International Statute of Secrecy in 1692, which was intended to conceal the existence of

magic and wizards. The International Confederation of Wizards (ICW) saw the Quidditch World Cup as a security risk of the highest magnitude because of the mass movement and congregation of so many members of the international wizarding community. However, following mass protests and threats to the ICW, it was agreed that the tournament could continue and a regulatory body — the ICWQC — was set up to locate suitable venues — usually remote moors, deserts and deserted islands — arrange transportation for spectators (as many as a hundred thousand routinely attend finals) and police the games themselves, a task generally agreed to be among the most thankless and difficult in the wizarding world.

How the Tournament Works

The number of countries that enter a Quidditch team for each World Cup fluctuates from tournament to tournament. Where the wizarding population of a country is small it can be difficult to raise a team of the required standard, but other factors such as international conflict or disaster may affect the entry numbers. However, any country may enter a team within the twelve months following the last final.

Teams are then divided into sixteen groups within which even team plays all the others over a two-year period until sixteen winning teams remain. During the group phase, game length is capped at four hours to prevent player exhaustion. Inevitably this means that some group games have no Snitch catches, but are decided on goals alone. Any win in the group phase counts for two points. A win by more than 150 points earns an additional five points, by 100 an additional 3 points and 50, 1 point. In the case of a tie on points, the Winner is the team who caught the Snitch most often — or most quickly during its matches.

The final sixteen are ranked according to the points they won during the group phase. The team with most points plays the team with least, the team with the second most points plays the team with the second least and so on. In theory, the two best teams will remain to play each other in the final.

Referees are chosen by the ICWQC.

Infamous Tournaments

No Quidditch World Cup is without its controversies, but some stand out. A few of the most infamous are listed below.

Attack of the Killer Forest

The ghastly climax of the 1809 final between Romania and New Spain (what is now known as Mexico) has gone down in wizarding history as the worst exhibition of temper ever given by an individual player. Niko Nenad’s teammates had become so concerned by his ferocious outbursts during the quarter- and semi-finals that they tried to persuade their manager to substitute him for the final advice that was sadly ignored by the ambitious old wizard. After the game, Nenad’s teammate Ivan Popa (winner of an International Wizarding Order of Merlin for his life-saving actions during the catastrophe) told an international inquiry: ‘over the preceding weeks we’d seen Niko beat himself over the head with his broom and set fire to his own feet in frustration. I’d personallv stopped him strangling two referees. However, I had no suspicion about whathe was planning to do if the final didn’t go our way. I mean, who’d suspect that? You’d have to be as mental as he was. ‘ Precisely when and how Nenad managed to jinx an entire forest on the edge of the West Siberian Plain is open to speculation, although he is thought to have had accomplices among unprincipled fans and was later proven to have paid local Dark wizards substantial sums. After two hours of play, Romania were behind on points and looking tired. It was then that Nenad deliberately hit a Bludger out of the stadium into the forest beyond the pitch. The effect was instantaneous and murderous. The trees sprang to life, wrenched their roots out of the ground and marched upon the stadium, flattening everything in their path, causing numerous injuries and several fatalities. What had been a Quidditch match turned swiftly into a human versus tree battle, which the wizards won only after seven hours’ hard fighting. Nenad was not prosecuted as he had been killed early on by a particularly violent spruce.

The Tournament that Nobody Remembers

The ICWQC insists that a tournament has been held every four years since 1473. This is a source of pride, proving as it does that nothing — wars, adverse weather conditions or Muggle interference — can stop wizards playing Quidditch. There is, however, a mystery surrounding the tournament of 1877. The competition was undoubtedly planned: a venue chosen (the Ryn Desert in Kazakhstan), publicity materials produced, tickets sold. In August, however, the wizarding world woke up to the fact that they had no memory whatsoever of the tournament taking place. Neither those in possession of tickets nor any of the players could remember a single game. However, for reasons none of them understood, English Beater Lucas Bargeworthy was missing most of his teeth, Canadian Seeker Angelus Peel’s knees were on backwards and half the Argentinian team were found tied up in the basement of a pub in Cardiff. Precisely what had — or had not taken place during the tournament has never been satisfactorily proven. Theories range from a Mass Memory Charm perpetuated by the Goblin Liberation Front (at that time very active and attracting a number of disaffected anarchist wizards) or the breakout of Cerebrumous Spattergroit, a virulent sub-strain of the more common Spattergroit, which causes severe confusion and memory’ impairment. In any case, it was deemed appropriate to re-stage the tournament in 1878 and it has been held every four years since, which accounts for the slight anomaly in the ‘every four years since 1473’ sequence.

Royston Idlewind and the Dissimulators

In 1971 the ICWQC appointed a new International Director, Australian wizard Royston Idlewind. An ex-player who had been part of his country’s World Cup-Winning team of 1966, he was nevertheless a contentious choice for International Director due to his hard-line views on crowd control — a stance undoubtedly influenced by the many jinxes he had endured as Australia’s star Chaser. Idlewind’s statement that he considered the crowd ‘the only thing I don’t like about Quidditch’ did not endear him to fans. Their feelings turned to outright hostility when he proceeded to bring in a number of draconian regulations, the worst being a total ban on all wands from the stadium except those carried by ICWQC officials. Many fans threatened to boycott the 1974 World Cup in protest but as empty stands were Idlewind’s secret ambition, their never stood a chance. The tournament duly commenced and while crowd turnout was reduced, the appearance of ‘Dissimulators’, an innovative new style of musical instrument, enlivened every match. These multi-coloured tube-like objects emitted loud cries of support and puffs of smoke in national colours. As the tournament progressed, the Dissimulator craze grew, as did the crowds. By the time the Syria-Madagascar final arrived, the stands were packed with a record crowd of wizards, each carring his or her own Dissimulator. Upon the appearance of Royston Idlewind in the box for dignitaries and high-ranking officials, a hundred thousand Dissimulators emitted loud raspberries and were transformed instantly into the wands they had been disguising all along. Humiliated by the mass flouting of his pet law, Royston Idlewind resigned instantly. Even the supporters of the losers, Madagascar, had something to celebrate during the rest of the long, raucous night.

Reappearance of the Dark Mark

Possibly the most infamous World Cup Final of the last few centuries was the Ireland- Bulgaria match of 1994, which took place on Dartmoor, England. During the post-match celebrations of Ireland’s triumph there was an outbreak of unprecedented violence as supporters of Lord Voldemort attacked fellow wizards and captured and tortured local Muggles. For the first time in fourteen years, the Dark Mark appeared in the sky, which caused widespread alarm and resulted in many injuries among the crowd. The ICWQC censured the Ministry of Magic heavily after the event, judging that security arrangements had been inadequate given the known existence of a violent Pure-blood tendency in the United Kingdom. Royston Idlewind emerged briefly from retirement to give the following statement to the Daily Prophet: ‘a wand ban doesn’t look so stupid now, does it?’


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Scottish Rugby

Index ID: PMRUGBY — Publication date: February 21st, 2014

The wizarding world’s affection for the Scottish rugby team is all the more bizarre because a substantial part of wizarding society knows nothing about Muggle sports, which they regard as inherently dull and even silly. Yet the Scottish rugby team has become a wizarding meme – part in-joke, part genuine interest – which has its roots in the nineteenth century and is a tale both sad and uplifting.

The wizarding family of Buchanan lived in a village in the Scottish Borders for many generations. A reputation for aggression and drunkenness, coupled with their prodigious size (the daughters alone had won the village tug-of-war every year in living memory), kept their neighbours at a respectful distance and ignorant of their magical abilities. One by one, as they reached the age of eleven, the Buchanan sons and daughters would disappear to Hogwarts. The village whispered that the enormous, wild children were being removed to a corrective facility or even a mental institution.

By the mid-nineteenth century the Buchanan family comprised an overworked mother, a fierce father and eleven children. The household was loud and chaotic, but even so, it is surprising that neither of the Buchanan parents realised that their third son, Angus, was a Squib – a wizard-born child with no magical powers. It had always been the proud boast of Mr Buchanan senior that such an anomaly had never occurred in their family. The proud old warlock went further: a Squib in any family was a sign that they were in decline and deserved to be winnowed out.

His brothers and sisters were all very fond of Angus, who was the largest and kindest of them all, so they covered up for him in front of his parents. The deception was innocently begun, but as the time approached for him to leave for Hogwarts, Angus and his siblings became uneasily aware that they could not maintain the pretense much longer. No letter from school arrived for Angus, but his panicking sister Flora forged one, which kept the parents in ignorance for several weeks more. Shy, good-natured and frightened of his father, Angus could not think of any alternative but to play along with his older siblings. They took him to Diagon Alley, where they bought a wand and pretended that it had chosen him. On the appointed day, his big brother Hamish took him to Hogwarts on the back of his broomstick, hoping against desperate hope that Angus would be allowed to stay once they got there, or that the school might be able to tease some magic out of him.

It had never happened before and it has never happened since, but Angus got as far as the Sorting Hat before he was exposed. In sheer desperation he threw himself ahead of a girl whose name had been called and placed the Hat upon his head. The horror of the moment when the Hat announced kindly that the boy beneath it was a good-hearted chap, but no wizard, would never be forgotten by those who witnessed it. Angus took off the hat and left the hall with tears streaming down his face.

News of Angus’s humiliation reached his parents in a flurry of owls before their son arrived home on foot. He was met by his humiliated father, who barred his entrance, bade him never darken their door again, and fired curses after Angus as he fled.

Without any idea of what he would do next, without family or money, the eleven-year-old Angus walked to the capital, occasionally hitching rides on carts. In Edinburgh he lied about his age and managed to find work as a labourer.

To Angus’s surprise, Muggles were not nearly as bad as his father and mother had always told him. He had the good fortune to be taken in by a kind foreman and his wife who had no children of their own, and by the time he was eighteen, Angus had grown into a big strong man who was loved for his kind nature and admired for his physical prowess, but who never shared the strange secrets of his past.

Angus’s early childhood had been spent dodging curses on an almost daily basis, which meant that he was surprisingly fast for a man of his size. He found his greatest pleasure and pride in athleticism, and soon became adept at the relatively new Muggle sport of rugby. Years of helping his siblings catch Golden Snitches in the back garden also made him a natural at cricket.

In 1871 Angus found himself representing his country in the first ever international rugby match, which took place in Edinburgh between England and Scotland. Angus’s emotion can perhaps be imagined as he walked out onto the pitch and saw all ten of his brothers and sisters among the spectators. Defying their father’s contempt for all Muggle pursuits and his injunction against ever seeing Angus again, they had set out to track him down. Elated, Angus scored the first try. Scotland won the match.

Reunion with his family caused Angus to reevaluate his relationship with his magical roots and in 1900 he published the groundbreaking worldwide bestseller My Life As A Squib. Until this point, Squibs had lived in the shadows. Some clung to the fringes of the wizarding world, always feeling second-class and trying to fit in; others cut all ties and lived entirely as Muggles, often repudiating their beginnings. My Life As A Squib brought the plight of these individuals to the wizarding world’s attention.

Thus Angus Buchanan became world-famous among wizards whilst also being celebrated among Muggles, a hitherto unknown achievement. Wizards of many nationalities began turning up to watch him play sport. Unfortunately, cricket found little favour with wizardkind. As the chief sports writer in the Daily Prophet wrote in 1902: ‘a Beater who is unable to fly defends three sticks instead of a hoop, while a Snitch without wings is thrown at the sticks. That’s it. Sometimes for several days’. Rugby held more appeal. Wizards could not help but admire the strength and courage of Muggles prepared to engage in a sport so brutal, without recourse to Disapparating out of the way, or access to Skele-Gro to repair broken bones. It must be admitted that there was an edge of sadism to some wizards’ enjoyment.

When Angus Buchanan died, he was honoured by both wizarding and Muggle worlds, an almost unique achievement in the annals of history. A shining example of a person who had made the most of the hand that life had dealt them and emerged triumphant, Angus was too modest to realise the impact that he had had. The Angus Buchanan Cup for Outstanding Effort is awarded at Hogwarts each year and My Life as A Squib is on its 110th printing.

When it comes to wizarding sports and games (Quidditch, Quodpot, Creaothceann – officially banned but still played illegally – broom-racing, Gobstones and so forth) wizards are naturally fiercely partisan and support their own country, but it is considered infra dig for wizards to support any rugby team other than Scotland. Over the nearly 150 years since Angus Buchanan helped win the first international rugby match, discussing Scottish rugby has become one of several covert identifiers for wizards meeting in front of Muggles and seeking to establish each other’s credentials. Eavesdropping Muggles might be puzzled as to why two Peruvians are so interested in a Scottish team, but it is generally agreed that this is preferable to arguing about Quidditch or comparing wand lengths in public.

Shortly after Angus’s death, the Wizarding Supporters of Scottish Rugby Union was set up in his memory by his devoted fans. The WSSRU, which exists to this day, has both Scottish and foreign wizarding members. They meet on the eve of every Scottish international match to toast Angus’s memory and anticipate a happy eighty minutes of watching Muggles trample each other into the mud. The International Statute of Secrecy expressly forbids wizards to participate in Muggle sport, but there is nothing illegal in supporting a Muggle side. However, the WSSRU has often had to deny the persistent rumour that its secret mission is to smuggle a talented Squib on to every Scottish team. Current suspects include Kelly Brown (possible cousin of Lavender’s), Jim Hamilton (strong resemblance to Hagrid) and Stuart Hogg (enough said).


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Daily Prophet

Index ID: PMDPR — Publication date: February 16th, 2014

There is only one wizarding newspaper in Britain, discounting such small circulation publications such as The Quibbler. The Daily Prophet, whose headquarters are in Diagon Alley, is delivered by owl on a daily basis to nearly every wizarding household in Britain. Payment is effected by placing coins in the pouch tied to the paper-owl’s leg. Occasionally (when something particularly interesting or exciting happens, such as the illegal flight of a Ford Anglia the length of Britain) an Evening Prophet edition will be rushed out.

The Prophet is not an entirely unbiased source of news, and sometimes displays unfortunately sensationalist tendency best epitomised by star reporter Rita Skeeter. Ostensibly an independent news source, it has more than once been influenced by the Ministry (or ruling power) of the day to hush up certain stories. A clue to its overriding motivation may be found in its name, ‘prophet’ being a homonym of ‘profit’ (although I was also taken with the idea of a wizarding newspaper claiming foreknowledge of news to come.)

Wizardkind tends not to require alternative political flavours in its news coverage (which is not to say, however, that the Prophet does not have a political agenda). As a small, outsider and occasionally beleaguered community, wizards are, by and large, interested in the same kinds of stories: the Quidditch League results, whether anyone is in trouble for infractions of the International Statute of Secrecy, what irritating legislation the Misuse of Muggle Artefacts Office has come up with now, and when the next Celestina Warbeck/Weird Sisters concert will take place.

It seems likely that wizards will continue to favour old-fashioned newsprint, even while the Muggle world resorts increasingly to the internet. If Muggle newspapers had moving photographs, their circulation might be similarly buoyant.


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Durmstrang Institute

Index ID: PMDUR — Publication date: February 16th, 2014

Durmstrang once had the darkest reputation of all eleven wizarding schools, though this was never entirely merited. It is true that Durmstrang, which has turned out many truly great witches and wizards, has twice in its history fallen under the stewardship of wizards of dubious allegiance or nefarious intent, and that it has one infamous ex-pupil.

The first of these unhappy men, Harfang Munter, took over the school shortly after the mysterious death of its founder, the great Bulgarian witch Nerida Vulchanova. Munter established Durmstrang’s reputation for duelling and all forms of martial magic, which remain an impressive part of its curriculum today. The second dark period in Durmstrang’s history came with the Headmastership of Igor Karkaroff, an ex-Death Eater who fled his post upon the return from exile of Lord Voldemort, fearing the latter’s retribution. Karkaroff was an unprincipled and egotistical man who encouraged a culture of fear and intimidation among the students, and many parents withdrew their children from Durmstrang while he was in charge.

The ex-pupil who has done more than any other to cause damage to Durmstrang’s reputation is Gellert Grindelwald, one of the most dangerous wizards of the twentieth century. However, in recent years Durmstrang has undergone something of a renaissance, and has produced such international luminaries as international Quidditch star Viktor Krum.

Although believed to be situated in the far north of Europe, Durmstrang is one of the most secretive of all schools about its whereabouts, so nobody can be quite certain. Visitors, who must comply with memory charms to erase their knowledge of how they got there, speak of vast, sprawling grounds with many stunning views, not least of the great, dark, spectral ship that is moored on a mountain lake behind the school, from which students dive in summertime.


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Beauxbatons Academy of Magic

Index ID: PMBEAUX — Publication date: February 16th, 2014

Thought to be situated somewhere in the Pyrenees, visitors speak of the breath-taking beauty of a chateau surrounded by formal gardens and lawns created out of the mountainous landscape by magic. Beauxbatons Academy has a preponderance of French students, though Spanish, Portuguese, Dutch, Luxembourgians and Belgians also attend in large numbers (both Beauxbatons and Durmstrang have a larger studentship than Hogwarts). It is said that the stunning castle and grounds of this prestigious school were part-funded by alchemist gold, for Nicolas and Perenelle Flamel met at Beauxbatons in their youth, and a magnificent fountain in the middle of the school’s park, believed to have healing and beautifying properties, is named for them.

Beauxbatons has always enjoyed a cordial relationship with Hogwarts, though there has been a healthy rivalry in international competitions such as the Triwizard Tournament, in which Beauxbatons has sixty-two wins to Hogwarts’ sixty-three.

Apart from the Flamels, famous ex-students of Beauxbatons include Vincent Duc de Trefle-Picques, who escaped the Terror by casting a concealment charm on his neck and pretending that his head had already been cut off; Luc Millefeuille, the infamous pastry-maker and Muggle-poisoner, and Fleur Delacour, who fought in the world-famous Battle of Hogwarts and was awarded medals of bravery from both the French and British Ministries of Magic. Headmistress Olympe Maxime is (in spite of her protestations to the contrary) half-giantess; brilliant, elegant and undeniably awe-inspiring.


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Gilderoy Lockhart

Index ID: PMGL — Publication date: October 3rd, 2013

New from J.K. Rowling

Trait Description
Birthday 26th January
Wand Cherry and dragon heartstring, nine inches, slightly bendy
Hogwarts House Ravenclaw
Special abilities Accomplished at Memory Charms; devised hair-care system involving Occamy egg yolks, which guaranteed ‘locks of lustrous luminosity’ (the shampoos were indeed effective, but too dangerous and expensive to produce for the mass market)
Parentage Muggle father, magical mother
Family Two Muggle sisters, no children
Hobbies Autographing photographs of self, relentless self-promotion

Early Life

Born to a witch mother and a Muggle father, with two older sisters, Gilderoy Lockhart was the only one of his parents’ three children to show magical ability. A clever, good-looking boy, he was his mother’s unashamed favourite, and the realisation that he was also a wizard caused his vanity to blossom like a particularly pernicious weed.

School

The young Lockhart’s arrival at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry was not the triumph that he and his mother had expected. Somehow, Lockhart had not appreciated that he would be in a whole school full of witches and wizards, many of them more accomplished than himself. (In fact, he had visualized for himself an entrance into Hogwarts not unlike the one that Harry Potter experienced, decades later. He had imagined walking down the corridors to excited whispers of his magical prowess, it never having occurred to him that every student at Hogwarts had had similar experiences before starting school.) In Lockhart’s own mind he was already a fully-fledged hero and genius, and it was a most unwelcome shock to discover that his name was unknown, his talents were unexceptional and that nobody was particularly impressed by his naturally wavy hair.

This is not to say that Lockhart had no talent. Indeed, his teachers felt that he was of above-average intelligence and ability, and that, with hard work, he might make something of himself, even if he fell short of the ambitions he shared freely with classmates (Lockhart told anyone who would listen that he would succeed in making a Philosopher’s Stone before leaving school and that he intended to captain England’s Quidditch team to World Cup glory, before knuckling down to becoming Britain’s youngest Minister for Magic).

Sorted into Ravenclaw house, Lockhart was soon achieving good marks in his schoolwork, but there was always a kink in his nature that made him increasingly unsatisfied. If he was not first and best, he would rather not participate at all. Increasingly, he directed his talents towards short cuts and dodges. He valued learning not for its own sake, but for the attention it brought him. He craved prizes and awards. He lobbied the Headmaster to start a school newsletter, because he liked nothing better than to see his name and photograph in print. Never very popular, he nevertheless achieved his primary goal of school-wide recognition through repeated, attention-getting exploits. He received a week’s worth of detentions for magically carving his signature in twenty-foot-long letters into the Quidditch pitch. He managed to create a massive, illuminated projection of his own face, which he would send skywards in imitation of the Dark Mark. He sent himself eight hundred Valentine’s cards one year, which caused such a pile-up of owls in the Great Hall that breakfast had to be abandoned (far too many feathers and droppings in the porridge).

Post-Hogwarts Career

When Lockhart finally left Hogwarts, it was to a faint sigh of relief from the staff. He was soon heard of in foreign parts, where his exploits began garnering increasing publicity. Many of his ex-teachers began to feel that they might have misjudged him because he was demonstrating both bravery and resilience in ridding various far-flung places of dangerous, Dark creatures.

The truth was that Lockhart had found his true calling at last. He had never been a bad wizard, only a lazy one, and he had decided to hone his talents in one direction: Memory Charms. By perfecting this tricky spell, he had succeeded in modifying the recollections of a dozen highly accomplished and courageous witches and wizards, allowing him to take credit for their daring exploits, returning to Britain at the end of each ‘adventure’ with a new book ready for publication which retold ‘his’ feats of bravery with a wealth of invented detail.

Within a decade of leaving school, Lockhart had achieved bestseller status with his series of autobiographical books and a reputation as a world-class defender against the Dark Arts. He even received the Order of Merlin, Third Class, became an Honorary Member of the Dark Force Defence League and – his good looks untarnished by the many life-and-death, tooth-and-claw battles he claimed to have had with werewolves, banshees and the like – won Witch Weekly’s Most-Charming-Smile Award no less than five times in a row.

Return to Hogwarts

Many staff were baffled as to the reason that Albus Dumbledore chose to invite Gilderoy Lockhart back to Hogwarts as Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher. While it was true that it had become almost impossible to persuade anybody else to take the job (the rumour that it was cursed was gathering strength both inside and outside Hogwarts), many teachers remembered Lockhart as thoroughly obnoxious, whatever his later achievements.

Albus Dumbledore’s plans, however, ran deep. He happened to have known two of the wizards for whose life’s work Gilderoy Lockhart had taken credit, and was one of the only people in the world who thought he knew what Lockhart was up to. Dumbledore was convinced that Lockhart needed only to be put back into an ordinary school setting to be revealed as a charlatan and a fraud. Professor McGonagall, who had never liked Lockhart, asked Dumbledore what he thought students would learn from such a vain, celebrity-hungry man. Dumbledore replied that ‘there is plenty to be learned even from a bad teacher: what not to do, how not to be’.

Lockhart might not have been keen to return to Hogwarts, given how well his career of stolen glory was progressing, had Dumbledore not dangled the promise of Harry Potter over his fame-hungry head (a ruse that Dumbledore was to repeat four years later, when another teacher needed to be persuaded to come back to school). By subtly suggesting that teaching Harry Potter would set the seal on Lockhart’s fame, Dumbledore had set a lure that Lockhart could not resist.

By the time that he arrived at school, Lockhart’s magical skills (once rather good) had become rusty almost beyond repair. The only spell for which he had real ability was the Memory Charm, which he had been using repeatedly for years. His classes quickly became a charade, as he was revealed to be completely inept at everything in which he claimed, in his books, to be expert.

The accident that cost Lockhart his sanity occurred at the end of his year at Hogwarts, when he was hit by a backfiring Memory Charm that forever erased his past. He has since resided in the Janus Thickey Ward of St Mungo’s Hospital for Magical Maladies and Injuries.

J.K. Rowling Thoughts

An extract taken from a BBC Radio 4 interview with Stephen Fry and J.K. Rowling, recorded in the late summer of 2005 and broadcast as a Christmas special in December 2005:

Stephen Fry: Now do you actually trawl through books of rare words or OED [Oxford English Dictionary] or things, or are they just things that you somehow, you’ve got a good memory for words?

J.K. Rowling: Um…I don’t really trawl books. They tend to be things I’ve collected or stumbled across in general reading. The exception was Gilderoy – Gilderoy Lockhart. The name Lockhart, well, I know it’s quite a well-known Scottish surname…

SF: Yeah.

JKR: …I found on a war memorial. I was looking for quite a glamorous, dashing sort of surname, and Lockhart caught my eye on this war memorial, and that was it. Couldn’t find a Christian name. And I was leafing through the Dictionary of Phrase and Fable one night. I was consciously looking for stuff, generally, that would be useful and I saw Gilderoy, who was actually a highway man, and a very good-looking rogue.

SF: Really?

JKR: And Gilderoy Lockhart, it just sounded perfect.

SF: It is a perfect, perfect…

JKR: Impressive, and yet, in the middle, quite hollow, of course.

SF: Indeed, as we know, he was.

JKR: As we know.


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Colours

Index ID: PMCOL — Publication date: October 1st, 2013

Witches and wizards often reveal themselves to each other in public by wearing purple or green, often in combination. In Britain (and much of Europe) purple has an association with both royalty and religion. Purple dyes, being costly, were once worn only by those who could afford them; bishops’ rings are traditionally set with amethysts. Green has long had a supernatural connection in the UK. Superstition says that it ought to be worn with care; the fairies are supposedly possessive of it, as it is their proper colour. It ought never to be worn at weddings, due to a further association with misfortune and death. Green is the colour of much ‘Dark’ magic; of the ‘Dark Mark’, of the luminescent potion in which Voldemort conceals one of his Horcruxes, of many ‘Dark’ spells and curses, and of Slytherin house. The combination of purple and green, therefore, is suggestive of both sides of magic: the noble and the ignoble, the helpful and the destructive.

The four Hogwarts houses have a loose association with the four elements, and their colours were chosen accordingly. Gryffindor (red and gold) is connected to fire; Slytherin (green and silver) to water; Hufflepuff (yellow and black, representing wheat and soil) to earth; and Ravenclaw (blue and bronze; sky and eagle feathers) to air.

Colours like peach and salmon pink are distinctly un-magical, and therefore much favoured by the likes of Aunt Petunia. On the other hand, shocking pink, as sported by the likes of Nymphadora Tonks, conveys a certain punky ‘yes, I’ve got a Muggle-born father and I’m not ashamed of it’ attitude.

Colours also played their part in the naming of Hagrid and Dumbledore, whose first names are Rubeus (red) and Albus (white) respectively. The choice was a nod to alchemy, which is so important in the first Harry Potter book, where ‘the red’ and ‘the white’ are essential mystical components of the process. The symbolism of the colours in this context has mystic meaning, representing different stages of the alchemic process (which many people associate with a spiritual transformation). Where my two characters were concerned, I named them for the alchemical colours to convey their opposing but complementary natures: red meaning passion (or emotion); white for asceticism; Hagrid being the earthy, warm and physical man, lord of the forest; Dumbledore the spiritual theoretician, brilliant, idealised and somewhat detached. Each is a necessary counterpoint to the other as Harry seeks father figures in his new world.


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