It’s clear to me you haven’t done the work, Adam. Let me explain the correct jargon. Unless you use this language when describing me, any other Nont or yourself, you want me to die horribly in a gas explosion and it will be your fault if I do. To start with the basics: those whose innate astrological identity matches the star sign assigned to them at birth are what we call ‘astro-synchronised’ – ‘ass’ for short. An ass-man assigned Aries at birth would identify as Aries throughout his life. He’d most likely dress head-to-toe in red, enjoy sports and might look a bit like a sheep. An ass-woman assigned Libra at birth would identify as Libra. She’d be a lover of beauty, a graceful dancer and probably really like weighing things. The term ‘ass’ derives from the Latin for star, ‘astra’. Some groups consider the prefix ‘ass’ offensive, but of course that isn’t so. Words derived from Latin are always proper science, which proves that ‘ass’ isn’t a slur. Just because some people are offended by a term doesn’t mean it’s actually offensive! What’s important to understand is that when the astro-synchronised community use the prefix ‘ass’, they help normalise Nont identities and experiences, which makes for a more inclusive and welcoming workplace – and world. However, should you not identify as ass, there are many other exciting possibilities to choose from, including astro-fluid, non-astro and, of course, the “thirteeners”, who consider themselves to be part of a mysterious thirteenth sign. This is an exciting new field of research. So far, the only characteristic of Sign Thirteen we’ve identified is pathological narcissism. Stand by for more Nont information the next time I’m trying to get enough caffeine into myself to start work.

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